


just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it

by suzukiblu



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Confusion, Finn-centric, Flirting, Fluff, Kissing, Miscommunication, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Relationship, Stormtrooper Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 15:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16065797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukiblu/pseuds/suzukiblu
Summary: Finn has officially been kissed by everyone he’d call a squadmate, if he still had a squad. He wonders, if Nines had been more like Rey or Zeroes had been more like Poe or Slip had been more like Rose . . . would he have had such a hard time following orders then, with squadmates like them?It’s so easy to do the right thing with them around.No, noteasy, just . . . it’spossible, with them around.He wonders if doing the wrong thing would’ve worked like that, too.





	just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prim_the_Amazing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/gifts).



> This is for primtheamazing, who wanted Rose, Rey, and Poe all courting Finn with Finn not entirely recognizing what’s going on because he grew up in weird niche Stormtrooper culture.

Rose kissed him, which is something Finn doesn’t know how to process when she’s unconscious. By the time she wakes up again, he still hasn’t figured it out. It came out of nowhere, it felt like, and he doesn’t know how to react to it. 

It’s not like he’s never been kissed out of nowhere, but it was different before. If Nines shoved him against a wall, if Zeroes dragged him around a corner, if Slip pulled him into his bunk and bit his mouth--those are the kind of kisses he recognizes. Rose leaning in with the last of her strength in the middle of a battlefield makes no sense at all. 

He wants to ask her, but she’s still so weak and it’s such a small thing. 

It was only a kiss, after all. 

.

.

.

Rey is angry--at herself, at Kylo Ren, at a lot of things. Finn would be angry too. 

“I really thought he could come back from the Dark Side,” she says. “I thought he’d help us.” 

“He thought you’d go _to_ the Dark Side, it sounds like,” Finn says. “And there was never any chance of _that_ happening either.” 

“I could have,” Rey says. 

“No way,” Finn says firmly. “Not you.” 

She looks at him. There’s a lot in that look. 

“Do you think I was stupid?” she asks. “To try?” 

“I don’t know,” Finn says. He remembers watching Han Solo die. He doesn’t know if he could’ve given Kylo Ren a chance at redemption, no matter what he’d thought the Force was telling him. “Do you think we were stupid?” 

“I think you did the best you could,” Rey says. “I _want_ to think that’s what we all did.” 

“You did,” Finn says. “You were wrong, but that doesn’t mean you were stupid.” 

“I thought it’d work,” Rey murmurs. He reaches over and takes her hand to squeeze, and she squeezes back. 

“You saved us,” he says. 

“I’m glad,” she says, and squeezes his hand tighter. 

.

.

.

Poe is pacing back and forth restlessly while Chewbacca does something complicated to the Falcon’s wiring and gets increasingly irritated with him. Finn takes one look at the situation and decides it’s not helping anyone. 

“Hey, Poe,” he says. “C’mere.” 

“Here?” Poe blinks at him, confused, but follows. Finn takes him around a corner, finds a private little nook--or private enough, anyway--and then tugs him in and bites his mouth. Poe makes a startled noise and his hands sort of--fumble, kind of, like he’s not sure what to do with them. Finn tries not to laugh, but it’s funny. 

“Here,” he says, catching the other’s hands and putting them on his hips. As good a place as any for them, he figures. 

“Okay,” Poe says weakly, and Finn kisses him again. They’re in transit right now--the long, boring part where no one knows what to do with themselves--and there’s no reason to spend the time pacing and waiting. There’s always better distractions. This is a lot better than finding something to clean, anyway. 

Poe kisses so _softly_. Finn bites his mouth and he bites back, but there’s something bizarrely gentle about it. It doesn’t even hurt. Finn mimics that softness, more out of curiosity than anything else. The noises Poe makes in response are _very_ encouraging, though, so he sticks with it. 

It does feel nice. It reminds him more of kissing Rose than anyone else he’s kissed, though, so it’s a little strange. 

He doesn’t mind, honestly. 

Poe’s not moving his hands, not clutching urgently or desperately at him. His thumb has slipped under the edge of Finn’s shirt and is moving in light little circles against his hip, but that’s all. Finn moves his own hands up to cup the other’s face, a little curious about how slow and _soft_ Poe moves. Maybe it’s because there’s nothing worrying about the idea of a superior officer catching them, so there’s no rush. Finn has a hard time picturing the general assigning them anything worse than KP duty, and he’s not even sure she’d do _that_. Maybe it’s just that Poe likes things soft and slow. 

It’s not really what he’s used to, but Finn isn’t complaining. The way Poe takes his time kissing him is making him feel warm and dizzy and _satisfied_ in a way that kissing other Stormtroopers never did. It’s another difference between the Resistance and the First Order, another little surprise that he wouldn’t even have known to want if someone had asked, but already likes so much. 

He doesn’t bother keeping track of how long they’re at it. Normally he would be, would be counting down precisely to the next patrol or his next mandatory check-in, but they don’t have those here. There’s nothing to stop him and Poe from standing here kissing all day. Poe hasn’t even tried to get under his blacks yet, he’s taking his time so much. 

He _really_ likes that, Finn finds. 

“Finn,” Poe murmurs eventually, somewhere between kisses. His eyes are heavy and half-lidded, his hands warm on Finn’s sides, and he looks soft and content in a way Finn wants to _bottle_. 

“Poe,” he replies with a smile, tightening his grip on the other’s face for a moment before kissing him again and pushing his hands into his hair. Poe kisses him back, and it’s so _warm_. He really could do this all day. 

That’s when something shorts out and Chewbacca starts yelling, though, and then they need to go deal with that instead. 

It’s kind of a shame they took their time, Finn thinks. He would’ve liked to do a little more than just kiss. 

.

.

.

They’re running away, which they’ve been doing a lot of lately, and they’ve lost a lot of people doing it. Finn still barely knows these people, but he likes them more every day, and every day he worries more about losing them. On the Falcon, though, everything feels small and quiet and safe. 

He knows it won’t last, but he’ll take it for as long as it does. 

.

.

.

Rose is still recovering, so Finn goes and sits with her for a while. He hasn’t really spent much time with her since she woke up, mostly because it hasn’t been that long since she woke up, and she’s mostly been getting checked over. He doesn’t know what to say to her after she went and nearly died for him, but at least he has to sit with her. 

“Are you okay?” she asks, and really, it’s a pretty good starting question. 

“Yeah,” he says. “What about you?” 

“Broken ribs and a concussion,” she says. “Also some sprained fingers. But pretty okay other than that, really.” 

“A concussion?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Sorry for passing out on you. That was probably scary.” 

“I thought you might’ve died,” Finn says. 

“Definitely scary, yeah,” Rose says, shaking her head and then wincing painfully. “Ooo, ow, that was a mistake.” 

“Careful,” he says, more out of reflex than anything else. She smiles sheepishly at him. 

“So we’re running?” she asks. 

“My specialty,” Finn says, glancing back towards the door. It’s not the first time he’s run. It probably won’t be the last, either, the way their lives have been going. 

One day it’ll be the last time, though. And they’ll have somewhere they can stand and fight again soon enough. 

“It’s really not,” Rose says. He looks back to her with a little smile to find her already smiling at him. He puts a hand over one of her hands and squeezes, and she laces their fingers together and squeezes back. 

Touching people without anything in the way feels so good. He doesn’t know why the Resistance members aren’t constantly doing it. 

.

.

.

Finn doesn’t have a squad anymore, but Rey is the best squadmate he could ask for. Poe and Rose are close seconds, but Rey is just--different. It’s hard to explain. 

“This way,” she says, pulling him up the embankment after her. They’re on an uninhabited planet, looking for food. The general didn’t want to risk landing anywhere civilized yet. Finn’s survival training technically prepared him for this, but every planet is so different it’s hard to tell what’s safe to eat and what might try to eat _them_. Rey, fortunately, is still very good with a staff. Finn did not especially enjoy nearly ending up a plant-snack. 

“This is _very_ stressful,” he says, and she laughs. 

“Come on, I see some mushrooms this way,” she says. “You know what mushrooms are good to eat, right?” 

“I know _some_ mushrooms that are good to eat,” Finn corrects, and Rey laughs again. She keeps holding his hand, and he definitely isn’t going to complain. Any time Rey wants to hold his hand is good by him. Hell, any time _anyone_ wants to hold his hand is good by him. He’ll draw the line at, like, First Order officers, but otherwise. 

They head over to the mushrooms. They’re big and pink and purple and Finn has no idea if they’re good to eat or not. There’s a _lot_ of them, so he hopes so, but he also doesn’t really want to pick something that might get horrifying poison spores all over his hands. 

“I have no idea,” he says, just looking at them. 

“One way to find out,” Rey says practically, and then he has to half-talk, half-wrestle her out of stuffing one in her mouth, which is _much_ harder than it should be, oh god, _Rey_ \--

“Put that down right now--” 

“It’s a fifty-fifty shot, that’s pretty good odds--”

“I am _not_ gonna be fighting Kylo Ren alone because _you_ choked on a poison mushroom, Rey!” 

“It might not be poison!” 

_“Rey!”_

“Oh _fine_ ,” she huffs, and drops the mushroom. Finn brushes her hands off with his sleeve, just in case. “You’re adorable,” Rey says. 

“Poison!” he says feelingly, and then she’s kissing him, quick and clumsy. He makes a surprised noise, eyes widening, and she turns red and pulls back. 

“Sorry,” she says. “Was that bad?” 

“No,” he says, touching his mouth. Hers was soft. “You just surprised me.” 

“Oh,” she says, biting her lip as she glances down at his. “Does that mean I can do it again?” 

“Yeah, of course,” he says, and she beams at him in a way that he’d let her do _anything_ to get to see again. 

.

.

.

Poe is making dinner tonight, which smells a lot better than the rations they’ve been eating. Finn didn’t even know there was a kitchen on the Falcon, much less that Poe knew how to use one. 

“How do you even know how to cook this stuff?” he asks. 

“No idea, I’m just making my best guesses and seasoning as I go,” Poe replies wryly, flipping the contents of a pan of . . . something? It’s a lot of different colors and textures to be fitting in one pan, but it smells _really_ good, whatever it is. “Grab that pot for me?” 

“Sure,” Finn says, and does. Poe pours the contents of his pan into it and then throws a dishtowel over the top, then moves on to the next pot. Finn is a little wooed, to be honest. 

“Tell me what you think?” Poe says, holding up a spoonful for him with a smile. Finn takes the bite, because _obviously_ , and it’s _delicious_. 

“That’s so good!” he says enthusiastically, and Poe laughs. 

“Great, good to hear,” he says. “It’s been a while since I cooked anything.” 

“It’s _so_ good,” Finn repeats, and Poe smiles at him in a way that makes him feel like melting. 

“I’m glad you think so,” he says, and kisses him on the cheek. Finn blinks, not really knowing what to do with that, but Poe’s already back to concentrating on his cooking. After a moment, he mimics the gesture, and feels Poe smile under his lips. 

.

.

.

Finn has officially been kissed by everyone he’d call a squadmate, if he still had a squad. He wonders, if Nines had been more like Rey or Zeroes had been more like Poe or Slip had been more like Rose . . . would he have had such a hard time following orders then, with squadmates like them? 

It’s so easy to do the right thing with them around. 

No, not _easy_ , just . . . it’s _possible_ , with them around. 

He wonders if doing the wrong thing would’ve worked like that, too. 

He never had squadmates like Rey and Poe and Rose, though, and instead he lost Slip and met Poe, and then Rey, and then Rose, and he’s done the best he could in their names more than his own. He only _has_ a name because of Poe; only made it this far because of the three of them. They’ve all saved him, one way or another. He’s tried to do the same--for selfish reasons, sometimes, but still. He’s tried. 

He wants to keep them safe. He wants them to keep him safe. That used to be what he wanted from his squad, but . . . he thinks that’s what being friends means, isn’t it? Doing that kind of thing for each other? Piloting a ship, picking up a lightsaber, crashing into someone _else’s_ ship--he thinks that’s what it means. 

He’d have done that for Nines and Zeroes and Slip. But they never wanted it, and they never would’ve done it for him. 

In the end, he couldn’t even do it for Slip. 

He should talk to Poe about that someday, he thinks. Maybe not, though. 

Maybe he’ll talk to Rey about it. She might understand. 

.

.

.

Rose talks to him and laughs when he makes a joke. Rey brings him an armful of alien flowers and grins so _bright_. Poe smiles at him and asks how his dinner tastes. 

Finn feels weird, warm and flattered and _happy_ , and doesn’t really know how to share that feeling with any of them in return. 

.

.

.

Finn was the best cadet in training. The officers liked him. They thought he was going places, and they were clear that he’d better. 

The other cadets knew more about him, and didn’t like him at all. 

He wonders if they saw it in him, the seeds of his future defection. The officers didn’t. Poe did. Poe _trusted_ him. 

There’s a lot going on in . . . all of that, really. 

There’s a lot going on in his life in general, these days. 

“Something wrong?” the general asks--Leia asks. Or maybe he’s supposed to just call her “ma’am”. It’s one of those things he doesn’t know. 

“Just thinking,” he says, because he’s still not sure how honest to be. She hums, and claps a hand on his shoulder. 

“Looks heavy,” she says. “Do your best.” 

Finn doesn’t really understand, but he nods. 

.

.

.

Rose is up and around again, and she kisses Finn’s cheek the first time she sees him again. Rey kisses his knuckles while they’re scavenging. Poe kisses his forehead while he’s cooking. It’s all soft, all gentle, all easy. Finn doesn’t really know how to respond to any of it, except in kind. He kisses Rose’s cheek, and Rey’s knuckles, and Poe’s forehead. Sometimes he holds their hands. He never bites or shoves or pushes them, never drags them anywhere. They don’t fall into bunks together or pull each other into closets or do much more of anything than take advantage of the occasional private moment to kiss. It’s very different from having squadmates; even different from just killing time with other troopers in the barracks. 

He feels like he’s missing something, maybe, but it feels strange to ask _“hey, why do you kiss me like that?”_ It’s just so _different_. He likes it--he likes it a _lot_ \--but he’s not sure he’s doing it right. They all keep smiling at him, so he thinks he is, but it’s not as easy as it was when he was a trooper. Being squadmates is much simpler than being friends. 

Or maybe it’s not, and it’s just that he’s so much more used to squadmates. 

Rose kisses him in the storage room. Rey kisses him under a tree. Poe kisses him in the hallway. They all do it like they all know exactly what they’re doing, and because it’s something they’re _all_ doing Finn doesn’t know who he could ask about it. 

He’s not complaining, but he’d like--well, _more_. More than just little pecks and long kisses. He doesn’t mind them, he’d just also occasionally like something--he doesn’t know, something _urgent_. Something quick and clinging, something that will make him feel like they _need_ him. The softness and slowness, that makes him feel like something special, something they care about, but it doesn’t make him feel _needed_. 

Finn’s only really felt needed a few times in his life. He wants more of it, if it’s there for him to have. If it’s possible. 

As a stormtrooper, he knew how to get in and out of his armor in under a minute, he knew where to patrol and where to just pretend you’d patrolled, he knew when to shoot and when not to, he knew how to read the marks other stormtroopers left in secret corners and hidden places. He knew what everyone thought of him, and what he thought of everyone else. He knew all the safe things to say and do. 

As part of the Resistance, he knows a lot less, but he’s learning. 

.

.

.

Rose sits down next to him and leans against him, laying her head on his shoulder. She’s warm against his side, and Finn doesn’t know where to put his hands. No one touched him this easily, before the Resistance. Anyone who touched him before the Resistance did it because of training, or because he was convenient. But Rose came and found him and sat down beside him specifically, so he doesn’t know where to put his hands. 

“We might have a new base,” she says. 

“That’s good,” Finn says. They’re all new to him. 

“I just hope it’s close,” she sighs. “We need to regroup. We need to _recruit_.” 

“Yeah,” Finn agrees. They need a lot of things right now, but those two are pretty high up the list. The scant handful of survivors of that long run isn’t enough to fight back with, and someone has to fight back. 

“We’re in real trouble,” Rose says, closing her eyes. 

“Well, we’re pretty used to trouble, right?” Finn asks, and she lets out a quiet laugh and tilts her head to look up at him. She smiles, and he wants to kiss her, so he does. She makes a quiet sound into his mouth and he puts a hand on her face and deepens the kiss. He thinks about knocking her over or pulling her down with him, but he doesn’t do it. He keeps kissing her, though, for all the obvious reasons, and when she wraps her arms around his neck he feels--he doesn’t really know how to put words to what he feels, when she does that. 

He really likes it, though. 

.

.

.

Finn and Rey are sitting against a bulkhead. Rey’s tucked her feet under his thigh, and he’s looking at the ceiling, playing with a loose lock of her hair. It’s a lot longer than he realized it was, when he first met her and it was all bound up. They were kissing a little bit ago, but now they’re not. He’s thinking about asking her about the difference between squadmates and friends, but it’s not like she knows what squadmates are like. He’s not even sure she knows what a _friend’s_ like. He sure doesn’t, so . . . 

Maybe he’ll ask Poe. Poe’s the likeliest to know, probably. 

“It’s weird here,” he says, knowing she’ll understand, and Rey nods agreeably against the bulkhead. 

“Yeah,” she says. “Still not over how they keep giving us food for nothing. They fix us _up_ for nothing, even.” 

“It’s very different,” Finn says. The First Order fixed you up for nothing too, but only if you were worth fixing up. The Resistance just does it, as far as Finn can tell, or at least does it to the best of their abilities. He’s got some new scars, but he’s still in one piece. 

“Yeah,” Rey says again. She shifts closer to him, her shins pressing into his leg. “It’s better.” 

“Yeah,” Finn echoes. Rey knows, like Poe and Rose don’t. Like no one else here does, really. He’s glad Poe and Rose don’t know, but he’s also glad Rey understands--but he also wishes Poe and Rose understood, and that Rey didn’t know. It’s a complicated feeling. If someone asked him to explain it, he probably couldn’t. 

He thinks it’s because he likes them. Well--no, he knows it’s because he likes them. He’s just not really used to examining his feelings this much; he was trying to suppress them, before. They only got in the way. 

They get in the way here too, sometimes, but sometimes they save or protect someone and that’s . . . _really_ complicated. 

Finn grew up being told to have his squadmates’ back but never feel anything for them, and now he has friends instead, and that’s so much easier and so much harder. He knows why Phasma didn’t want him feeling anything for his squadmates, after Slip’s death; after how hard it’s become to separate what he’s doing from what needs to be done. He can even almost understand it. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Rey says, and Finn hums in quiet acknowledgement and reaches for her hand. 

.

.

.

Poe is on the other side of the room and laughing at something one of the other pilots said and Finn is feeling very strange about watching him. His face feels hot, and his stomach’s twisting. He wishes he’d been the one to make him laugh. 

He feels like he’s staring. Is he staring? He looks away, frowning faintly to himself. He wants to go over to Poe and get his attention, but he’s not sure for what. He wants to kiss him, but he always wants to kiss him. That’s a private thing, though, something for corridors and secret corners. Not just something he could walk up to Poe and _do_. 

At least, he doesn’t think it is. The Resistance is a lot more touchy-feely than the First Order ever was. No one here’s kissed him in front of anyone else, though, so he doesn’t know. 

.

.

.

“How’re you holding up, Finn?” the general asks, blunt and to the point. Finn stares at her, still not knowing how to answer. 

“Fine, ma’am,” he settles for eventually, and she gives him a critical once-over that makes him want to fall in line and salute her. He represses the urge, but only just. He thinks about asking her how _she’s_ holding up, but that just seems too strange. 

“How’re things with Poe?” the general asks, and for some reason Finn’s face gets hot. 

“Fine?” he tries again. “I mean. I think so?” 

“And Rey?” She cocks an eyebrow at him. “And Rose?” 

Finn’s face gets even hotter, and he can’t pin down _why_. It’s--embarrassing, somehow. 

“That’s fine too,” he says. “They’re fine. Uh.” _Why are you asking?_ he can’t bring himself to ask, but he can’t keep the worried look off his face. She tips her head, mouth pursing briefly. 

“You seem very close to them,” she says. 

“I hope so,” he says reflexively. It’s more honest than he should be, maybe, but it’s out of his mouth before he can think better of it. The general gives him a searching look that doesn’t help him stop worrying. 

“Just keep the relationship drama out of your work,” she says finally. “And make sure you know what you want, before you lose it.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Finn says, just as reflexive as before. He knows what he wants. He wants Rey and Poe and Rose to be Rey and Poe and Rose, and he wants to be Finn with them. He wants to kiss them, and a little more than just kiss them. He wants to make the galaxy a better place, and he wants them all to _survive_ making the galaxy a better place. 

He also wants to understand what the general’s talking about, but that seems a lot less likely to happen. 

“Good man,” she says, patting him on the back, and yeah, he really doesn’t understand. 

.

.

.

Rey and Rose are sitting next to each other, talking quietly and both smiling. Poe is behind them, cooking something delicious-smelling. They’re twelve hours out from the new base. Finn is already restless, anxious to get off the ship. Or he was, at least, before he walked in on the other three being quiet together. Something about the sight of them all like that is . . . it’s a _lot_ , somehow, the sight of them all like that. 

“Finn!” Rey says, looking over and smiling at him. Rose and Poe look at him too, and smile too. Finn’s face gets hot and his stomach jumps. 

“Hey,” he says, trying to sound casual. It doesn’t work very well, but they’re still all smiling at him so he heads over to them. Rey and Rose both move to make room for him to sit between them, so he takes the seat. Rey tucks her feet under his thigh and Rose leans against his side. Poe leans over the back of the seat, holding out a spoon full of that delicious-smelling something. 

“Tell me what you think?” he asks. Finn takes the bite, obviously. It’s very, very good. 

“I like it,” he says, and Poe’s smile widens. 

“Told you it was good,” Rey says. 

“Listen, Rey, you’re great, but you think everything not a ration pack is good,” Poe says with a laugh. 

“Everything not a ration pack _is_ good,” she says reasonably. Finn can think of a couple things he wouldn’t agree with her on that one, but he does get her point. 

“Everything you make is good,” he says. Poe blinks at him, then grins again, his face reddening a bit. 

“Flatterer,” he says. “You’re just trying to get seconds out of me.” 

“Are seconds an option?” Rose asks hopefully. 

“For once, yes,” Poe says. “The fresh stuff is gonna spoil if we don’t get through it this week.” 

“Yessss,” Rose crows quietly, pumping a fist in the air. Finn _really_ wants to kiss her, but a) he’s still not sure how private that kind of thing is in the Resistance and b) thinking about it, he also really wants to kiss Rey and Poe, and how would he pick? 

“What are seconds?” Rey asks with a little frown. Finn has no idea what it means either, so he’s glad she asked. 

“Second helpings,” Poe clarifies. “Like, extra dinner.” 

“ _Extra_ dinner?” Rey demands, her eyes widening. Finn would definitely never be able to pick which one of them to kiss first. “Poe! You didn’t tell me we could have extra dinner!” 

“Well, when we’re not rationing, anyway,” Poe says with a shrug, resting his chin in his hand and sparing her a sly glance. She huffs indignantly. “We get extra dinner tonight, though, so if you were wanting any . . .” 

“Yes,” Rey says immediately. Poe laughs, and Rose hides a grin behind her hand. Finn feels warm all over and wants to drag them all back to the first bunk he finds and figure out a way to fit all four of them in it. Chances of success are slim, but he’s willing to try. 

He still doesn’t understand what the general was saying to him, and he still doesn’t always understand Rey and Poe and Rose either, but he doesn’t mind. He wants to teach them secret things and kiss them wherever they’ll let him and eventually, probably, he’ll figure it out. And if he doesn’t, well, then he still won’t mind, as long as they’re still around. 

Rose says something funny, and Rey and Poe laugh. Finn just feels warm, and smiles at all of them.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr!](http://suzukiblu.tumblr.com/)


End file.
